My mom and I are completely opposite. She thinks I hate her because when we talk all we do is fight. We just don’t agree on anything, it’s awful. How can we get along better?
This is such a tough thing to go through and my heart goes out to whoever wrote this. I think you’re starting in the right place by asking this question. The fact that you want to figure out how to relate better to your mom is great, so I want to encourage you in that.
I’ll link to a couple of related questions below but also provide some thoughts here.
Ask for help
There are a lot of reasons that you may be having this challenge, so I want to start by encouraging you to pray and ask God for help. Read His word and remind yourself of who you are in Him. Remember that God loves you regardless of your relationship with your mom. And then, remember that God loves you so much that he gave you His Spirit to help you walk through this toward a healthier relationship. So, start by asking him for help.
And then, ask for help from someone you trust. I know I say this a lot, but that’s because it’s true. I can only help you so much by answering this question, but someone who can walk you through it and give you encouragement along the way, that will be far more effective than just listening to a few random thoughts that I have.
Remember that you and your mom are both humans
Sometimes it’s easy to think of others as either superhuman or less than human. We treat others as overly simple cartoon characters, but often the reason we’re struggling in our relationships is because the other person is struggling too. I would guess that your mom is also trying to figure out how to improve your relationship. It’s very likely that she cares deeply about you, but finds herself being angry or fighting with you because she herself is broken and hurting. Often we hurt people because we’ve been hurt by people, so I’d encourage you to have compassion for your mom.
But, I’d also encourage you to consider how she may be right on some things. Often we fight with our parents because we think we know better than they do, but many times they actually do know better as they’ve lived a lot more life and have learned from their mistakes. It may be that some of the things your mom is trying to get you to see are actually good for you and healthy, so take some time to pray about things she might be telling you to do or not do and evaluate whether it may be better to actually listen to her.
Show her you care
One of the ways you can have compassion is by showing her that you love her. This, of course, is really tough to do if you’re used to arguing and fighting all the time, but the reality is, one of the best ways to fix a relationship is to be the first to apologize. When you express your care for the other person, it often makes them drop their defenses and sometimes they’ll apologize as well. Then, healthier communication can begin more easily. I’m not saying that this guarantees things will get better, but it is a great place to start.
At the very least, if you can tell her how you feel in a respectful way, this at least may open the conversation to begin figuring out better patterns of relating to each other. The blogposts linked above have some practical ways to approach your mom on this, so I encourage you to read them for more ideas. I’ll post them again here:
The Question Box Blog 