Is it ok to date an unbeliever?

Dating unbelievers? Yay or nay?

The reality is that the Bible does not have specifically clear teaching on this subject, so we need to take a wise approach to this topic, seeking to be honoring to God in whatever we do.

Here are a few thoughts that might help on this subject.

If you end up married to an unbeliever, Paul encourages you to stay married as long as you are able as long as your spouse is willing (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Part of the reason for this is that you might be able to win them over with your Christian conduct (1 Peter 3:1-2).

However, there is also encouragement to not join up with someone who isn’t a believer.

2 Corinthians 6:14 — Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

This is likely referring more to partners in business, but I think it applies to many relationships, especially marriage relationships. The imagery is that of putting an ox and a donkey on the same plow. Since the ox is bigger, the plow is going to go crooked because the animals are not the same size. Similarly, if you are partnered with an unbeliever, you have different worldviews and values and it can make your relationship with that person very difficult. It can make a marriage go crooked and cause the partners to divorce because of their lack of fit.

At the same time, I’ve seen people come to Christ because they dated a Christian, so I don’t want to say it will never be a good thing for a believer to date a non-believer. Though, I want to make it very clear that “missionary dating” is rarely a good idea. Usually, when someone says they’re just dating this person so that they’ll become a Christian, they’re either justifying their relationship or their not actually invested in the person and are just trying to get them to do something. Either way, it’s not treating the other person as made in God’s image and showing them honor.

When it comes down to it, the vast majority of times, it’s a bad idea to date someone who is not interested in Christianity if you are a Christian. It’s laying two different foundations and, in the end, it will make life really difficult. This is true even if both of you are Christians. I think it’s really healthy and helpful to do pre-marital counseling or to meet with an older married couple for guidance and wisdom. It’s good to have honest, hard conversations with your significant other, regardless of how serious you are or whether both of you are Christians or not. Often, you’ll begin to see whether or not you have competing worldviews and whether that’s going to cause problems for your marriage later on.

Here’s an article that I think does a good job of laying out the different perspectives if you’d like to do more reading:

Can I date a non-Christian? (Relevant Magazine)